For all your love-day needs

Dear readers,

Valentine's Day is a stressful time of year. You know your valentine's sweetie is a special person, but what if you haven't figured out what to get him/her/hir/it? Never fear; I have come to your rescue. Below I have provided a variety of romantic couplets for you to recite to your sweetheart, regardless of species or race. 

If your Valentine is a: HUMAN

Fezzes are red, the TARDIS is blue,

I'd wait two thousand years for you.

If your Valentine is a: TIME LORD

Fezzes are red, Amy's a tart,

But I'll take care of both your hearts.

If your Valentine is a: DALEK

Fezzes are red, bananas are great,

It turns me on when you yell EXTERMINATE.

If your Valentine is a: CYBERMAN

Fezzes are red, Lumic was defeated,

But my love for you can never be deleted.

If your Valentine is a: WEEPING ANGEL

Fezzes are red, you make most hearts sink,

But when I see you I don't even want to blink.

If your Valentine is a: SONTARAN

Fezzes are red, you are pretty small,

But your honour makes you the best of them all.

If your Valentine is a: VASHTA NERADA

Fezzes are red, shadows are black,

Your hunger for meat makes you great in the sack.

If your Valentine is: NON EXISTENT

Congratulations, welcome to the club. Here is a sympathy cheesecake for you.

Ohhh yes.

Happy Valentine's Day, friends.