In which I review the Series 5 finale (SPOILERS)

This will probably be old hat to many/all of you, but I just finished catching up with Series 5 so gimme a break. Anyway, here are my thoughts on The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang.

The Pandorica Opens

Great opener. Right in the beginning we see a mysterious painting, characters from throughout the series, and River Song. Moffat's setting us up for something big, but he's also raising the bar pretty damn high - this better be good if I'm already on the edge of my seat before the theme song.

And it is good. Granted, a couple of little things bother me like they always do - does Eleven really have to do so much grandstanding at Stonehenge when he's yelling at all the spaceships? I suppose I could let this slide though - as we've seen in Time of Angels and The Eleventh Hour, he's given to these long dramatic speeches. Too often I feel like I've got to sit and wait them out, though. I promise I won't be a Tennant fangirl, but in my mind, Ten's "The laws of time are mine, and they will obey me!" gives me shivers more than any of Eleven's long-winded rambles.
Also, it's never satisfactorily explained how Eleven knew the Pandorica would be at Stonehenge. His transition from "It's just a fairytale!" to "LET'S ALL RIDE TO STONEHENGE" rings a little implausible to me. I think the coordinates on the painting were Stonehenge, but if so, why would River say that they wouldn't be able to find the Pandorica on a map? I dunno, that part just seems weird. BUT WHATEVER YAY STONEHENGE

Anyway, these are minor things. The rest of the episode is fantastic - it grabs you by the collar and doesn't let go. The plot is set up - but it isn't actually the plot you think it is! It's all a trap, pulled out of Amy's memories! RORY IS BACK PLEASE LET HIM STAY and oh God he's killed Amy but she's not actually dead and the Doctor's locked up forever! Brilliant. The revelation with River standing in Amy's house as she looks at Amy's childhood books is, in my opinion, the best and most chilling part of the episode, and that's including when Rory shoots Amy (although that's because you know she can't be dead - not with a whole half of the two-parter left, anyway).

Also, can I just mention how glad I am that the goddamn Skittle Daleks only appeared for about five minutes? At first I thought they would be the big plot point of the finale and I was ready to throw my computer out the window. But they showed up for just long enough to help explain the plot twist as the Doctor was shoved into the Pandorica, and then helpfully got turned into stone. I hope that's the last of them, though it probably won't be.

Finally, honourable mention to the disembodied Cyberman who managed to be scarier than the put-together models ever were (with the possible exception of Rise of the Cybermen).

The Big Bang

And another great opening, in which we see little Amelia Pond in an exact replay of the very first sce- wait, what? No crack? No Doctor? And no stars? Something very fishy is going on here, and I am very excited. Then a trip to the museum from a mysterious note (which HAS to be in the Doctor's writing or I will eat my hat) and an encounter with the Pandorica, nearly 2,000 years later, roped off in a star exhibit. Little Amy Pond touches the box, it starts to open, and I am so excited to see what will happen in this reimagining of her first meeting with the Doc- wait, what? Older Amy, who is alive? "This is where it gets complicated," she says to her younger self, and all I can do is mutely nod in agreement.

I won't go into depth recapping the rest of the episode, since there are too many twists and turns (some of them which I still need to figure out a bit more, having only watched it twice now) but let me just say that almost all of these twists are done absolutely BRILLIANTLY. Also, the vortex manipulator makes me pee with excitement. I adore that kind of paradoxical, jumpy, close time-travel - it's done extremely wittily, and the manipulator (which could have been a mediocre go-to plot fixer, like the sonic screwdriver) actually facilitates even more twists and turns, being a genuinely good plot device.

Highlights:
- Rory. Rory, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I admit, you always came off a little  annoying in the earlier episodes - I was resigned to thinking of you as another Mickey - but god damn, if I can ever get someone to wait two years, let alone 2,000 years for me, I'll consider myself lucky. In fact, the whole reunion of Rory and Amy was done pretty much flawlessly, with a gratuitous kiss in the museum (with hilarious commentary by the Doctor) and a renewed closeness of chemistry afterward, which was really lacking in Amy's Choice where she chose his love in the first place.
- River Song. River has the best delivery for badass lines: "It died." There was something really poignant about the Dalek begging her for mercy, and I loved it. Take notes, little miss "I'm the bloody Queen, mate".
- The Doctor's rewind. This was my favourite part, hands down, of the entire two-part finale. We see him going back to Amy in the forest of Flesh and Stone, holding her hands, telling her to remember him, kissing her forehead. This beautiful piece of chemistry, which never made sense in the context of Flesh and Stone, finally fits. I am so happy, because it was a lovely scene that was always ruined for me because of its lack of continuity (which is finally explained). Then we see Eleven going back to little seven-year old Amelia Pond's bedroom, while she was waiting for him in the first place, telling her a lovely little story about the TARDIS and kissing her goodnight. "I hate repeats," he murmurs sadly, and you can't help but wipe a little tear from your eye (though, as with Amy, you know he's going to come back).

Lowlights: (though not really lowlights so much as confusing points)
- River's giving the diary to Amy at her wedding. If no one remembers the Doctor, how does River's diary even exist at all, and how would she know to give it to Amy? She doesn't know who Amy is, because she doesn't know who the Doctor is. I really hope this gets explained next series.
- Amy's insistence on kissing the Doctor. God damn it, I just had my heart melt for her and Rory, and I understand love is a complicated thing and all, but if we have to run through this everloving fuckery again I will break something. Come to think of it, her spat of horniness never really got properly explained in Series 5 either - the Doctor took her on a trip with Rory, and she finally chose him in Amy's Choice, but we never find out if her attempt to wheel the Doctor was a case of pre-wedding jitters or something more. I am so tired of this ongoing portrayal of the Doctor as a romantic Holy Grail for his companions. We did it with Rose, we did it (in a tired way) with Martha, and we seemed to have gotten rid of it with Donna. Why are we bringing this up again? Can't we keep that lovely brother-sister chemistry going and forget about trying to snap his suspenders off? Jesus.

Anyway, all in all, this was a completely phenomenal series finale and (I would dare say) the best Doctor Who series finale I have ever seen, including the series 2 and 4 finales from the RTD era. The mediocrity of the season - with its unrealistic dialogue, clunky emotional development, and over-orchestration - was more than made up for in this glorious two-hour rollercoaster. True, there are points that confuse and disappoint me, but I'm waiting for Series 6 to fix them - because I know you can do that, Mr. Moffat.

Score: 9/10