In which I review The Impossible Astronaut

OH, MY, GOD. Oh my giddygodstrousers. Oh my pants. Oh my fez Stetson. 

There have been times when I have been less than impressed with the writing/plots under Moffat's reign. This was not one of them.

If you haven't watched this yet, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. Because as always, this review will be full of...

So, as I was watching this episode, I made notes for blag-reference-purposes later. I think you should see them. They convey everything I wanted to say, pretty much. 

But if you somehow didn't understand my train of thought from those extremely-coherent pieces of paper, then let me flesh them out for you.

What struck me first of all about this - pretty much immediately - was the fact that Doctor Who no longer looks like a television show to me. It looks like a movie. Part of this is due no doubt to the amazing Monument Valley setting, which achieves a grandeur that no green-screen could ever accomplish. But it's in the little things too: certain quirks of cinematography, timings, and so forth really made me feel like I was watching a movie (and also made me really want to hijack a movie theatre somewhere to watch it on the big screen). If it wasn't clear from the trailers, Moffat and the lads/lasses are really letting us know: this series has MONEY, and it is USING IT. In a good way.

So Amy and Rory have been taking a break from the Doctor to have lots of honeymoon sex get used to married life, but the Doctor's mucking about through history trying to get their attention, probably because he's bored and wants an adventure. 

They get a mysterious invite from him with a set of coordinates and a date/time. But they're not the only ones - River gets it too in Stormcage (which reminds me, if they're so used to her escaping, why don't they put her in a bloody forcefield or something? Your maximum security needs major work, people), a presently-unknown man named Canton Delaware III gets one, and so does...the present version of the Doctor, who misses his future self's death and funeral at the hands of a mysterious astronaut who comes out of a lake. This leads me to suspect the timing in his envelope was different than the timing in the other three envelopes...but why?

Well, for sadistic shits and giggles, according to Rory.

So the future Doctor has a picnic with his companions, all the while acting like the magician who's about to reveal a bunny to the anticipating audience. Then with no warning, he sees the Astronaut come out of the lake, tells everyone not to interfere, and then goes and gets shot. 

Right away we can tell this is not the Doctor we know. The Doctor we know would never, ever be so callous to his companions - unless there were something truly massive at stake. Smith, here, does a truly excellent job - his portrayal of the Future Doctor is slightly "off", and we only find out why once the plot unfolds. I hope you know what I mean. I can't phrase it much better than that.

After this super-compacted emotional rollercoaster, the companions go back to the diner and...out comes Present Doctor, completely nonchalantly, looking for a straw.

He likes fizz, you see.

And now we hop in the TARDIS. This was the part where I truly fell in love with this episode. Because we've just seen the Doctor (well, Future Doctor) at his most secretive, and now there's an instant reversal: now the companions are the ones with the massive secret, and he's the one in the dark. And the Doctor, of all people, does not do well with being kept in the dark. Sometimes I think, in spite of the deep affection he has for his companions and friends across the galaxies, at heart he's still a cold intellectual; and what more do intellectuals desire than knowledge? And when this knowledge is kept from him, he turns coldly furious. The scene where he's interrogating River and Amy shows the power of the Doctor's menace better than any scene I can recall from new Who, except perhaps a couple Eccleston moments. 

Eleven is unimpressed with your shit.

And then - who's the one person who can bring him out of his fury? Why, Amy of course. When she swears on "fish fingers and custard", you can see the muscles relaxing in Smith's face. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again: Bravo, Matt Smith. Bravo.

So we're off to 'Murcuh in 1969, the year of the moon landing, and the Doctor makes my heart sing by "cloaking" the TARDIS. Seriously, when my two fandoms come together, I can't even handle it. 

And then there's the scene in the Oval Office with gravelly-Nixon, Delaware, and the useless Feds and oh my god. Oh my god. This was easily one of the best parts of an absolutely stellar episode. For an entire scene the Doctor is the Doctor at his best: quick-thinking, manipulative, hilarious, and commanding. He gets the Americans to help him while insulting them at the same time. This is truly the essence of the Doctor: no matter where or when he is, he is THE authority in the room, and don't you forget it - not even you, you lowly terrestrial bureaucrats. 

"The legs, the nose, and Mrs. Robinson." "I hate you." "No you don't."

Anyway, he figures out a seemingly perplexing phone call in about the same amount of time that it takes Amy to go to the bathroom and get her shit almost wrecked by the Silence. I was expecting it, but I still screamed. 

The Silence tells Amy to tell the Doctor "what he must know, and what he must never know". Naturally, she assumes this means the facts about his death, though I believe it could be open to interpretation. Oh, and it also decides to zap a random woman with electricity. Why? "Joy", it says at first, before clarifying that it's the dead woman's name. I have to admit, this part left me a little lukewarm - the fact that they kill with zappy electricity just seems a little, I don't know, mundane to me. It's probably a side attraction from their real purpose, which is probably (knowing Moffat) supremely horrifying. And I would've found "Joy" creepier as a reason for killing rather than the victim's name, but I suppose it works.

One thing's for sure though: the voice. Holy shit, that voice. It's going to crop up in my nightmares, I just know it. That and the see-it-then-forget-it concept, which may not be the most original idea in the book, but is pretty damn terrifying nonetheless.

So Amy leaves the bathroom and, of course, forgets all about the Silence - but has a picture of it on her phone, which will no doubt come up later (probably when they bring out the tally marks).

The Doctor, meanwhile, has been his usual brilliant self and figured out where the child on the phone is. Off we go to the deserted warehouse in Florida, with a hilarious (if slightly overdone) sideshow of Delaware completely freaking the fuck out. I have to say, I did like how Rory "babysits" him - it does a good job of showing that Rory (though he is the "newest") has cemented his position as a companion.

I also like the idea of stolen human tech; it gives us a puzzle to work out - why would advanced aliens steal human technology? Here we also see Delaware humanized a bit: he tells Amy he was kicked out of the FBI because he wanted to marry, and Amy asks "So that's a crime?" Prediction: Delaware is gay. 

Slightly more obvious prediction: Smitthew is adorable.

Then River climbs down into a mysteriously fun-looking sewer, but not before exchanging very sexual banter with the Doctor. Seriously, someone please get those two a fire hose or a secluded soundproof room. The un-aging is also done pretty brilliantly - the River here is sexier and spunkier than the older, wiser River of Silence in the Library. And speaking of Silence in the Library, Alex Kingston shows her award-winning potential with a heartbreaking unknowing reference to her own death. 

"...and it's going to kill me."

And Rory and River find...the TARDIS from the Lodger! (Amidst some pants-shitting brief encounters with the Silence, of course.)

Meanwhile, aboveground, shit's going down in flames. We know that the Doctor would never refuse to listen to Amy unless something momentous was happening, but all the same she needs to demand his attention multiple times before she can tell him about his death. WAIT NO, SHE JUST TOLD HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT.

WHAT.

And then the Astronaut shows up, and it's a child, and AMY SHOOTS IT THE END.

Presenting: Steven Moffat, the king of unbelievably cruel cliffhangers. I don't know how I'm going to wait a week, you guys. I have no idea. 

Anyway, I can safely say, with the exception of Blink/Girl in the Fireplace/Series 1 and Series 5 finales, that I have not seen a better Doctor Who episode. And I have definitely never seen one as dark or compelling as this. Series 6 is off to a stellar start.

Rating: 4.5/5

Predictions, theories, and other tidbits:

- The Bowtie! thread on the Pointless Waste of Time forums has been tossing around a theory that the child Astronaut is River Song. Here's the discussion, if you're interested.

- When River tries to shoot the Astronaut and fails, she says quietly "of course not". Does she know who the Astronaut is? If it's herself, does she know that she obviously wouldn't be able to kill herself without starting a paradox? Whatever it is, she definitely knows more than she's telling...as always.

- This shot is gorgeous:

- I am seriously going to cry the next time I watch Silence in the Library. (WAIT. "Silence" in the Library? Really? Or could I be reading too much into this?)

- I think the Silence are mutated humans of some sort. Why? Well, they're pretty humanoid, and that's what makes their appearance so creepy, because they seem human but distorted. Also, their suits wouldn't make much sense to me otherwise.

- Also:

I wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool.

Now that we're into the new series I can finally structure this blog the way I intended it: weekly reviews plus whatever extraneous stuff I feel like posting. See you next weekend. Till then, happy squeeing, fellow Whovians.

EDIT/ADDENDUM: Apparently "bumpy wumpy" is the new "timey wimey". Should I rename my blog? I just can't keep up with the kids and their lingo.